Chill Out, Pyros.

Holy Roman Candles! I've never seen such pyrotechnic debauchery as I've been subjected to this evening. My street resembles one of those fake houses that the fire department pumps white smoke into and has kids crawl around in to simulate death by smoke inhalation.* And it sounds like a gosh dang WAR outside. Walk outside and there are what I presume to be illegal fireworks going off into the sky all around. I rode my bike home fearful of being targeted by one such projectile and losing a sense or two. Am I officially old because I'm annoyed by all this? It's hella EXTREME! Good God make it stop!!!!!!!!!!!

*These exist, right? I've never actually been in one.